CSI: American Carnage (Monday, March 23, 2020)
WASHINGTON – The lights are flickering in the Executive Lounge, casting a staccato gloom over the front room. The movement of the mold from the rear trash area has been staunched by a double translucent shield of military-grade polycarbonate sheeting installed by Hector, before he was removed by DARPA engineers and returned to the shop for rewiring. Donald is sprawled on the recliner sipping from a can of Sobe Adrenaline Rush. He tosses the can to the side of the recliner. The clang startles something in the rear of the lounge. There is a thrashing from beyond the gloom and the sound of teeth grinding down on fat-encrusted gristle. The mass of mold, now exuding putrescence, slumps forward onto the polycarbonate sheeting. Donald opens another Sobe and says, Don’t worry Steverino, those sheets are stronger than chrome steel. Any more fries over there? Stephen lurches forward grabs some fries from near the base of the sidetable, and hands them to Donald who jams most of them into his mouth. Donald says, I’m telling you, Stevie, I watch and listen to the Fake News, CNN, MSDNC, ABC, NBC, CBS, some of FOX (desperately & foolishly pleading to be politically correct), the @nytimes, & the @washingtonpost, and all I see is hatred of me at any cost. Don’t they understand that they are destroying themselves? Stephen steps on something moving along the carpet. He says, No, sir. Absolutely not. They are blinded by hatred of you and everything that they are told to hate by Soros and his henchmen. You, sir, have been characteristically brilliant, backhanding the liars and the hoaxers, sticking it to the traitors and the Fake News™ with their nasty, ignorant rants. Sticking it to Romney, to Cuomo, to Pelosi and her red-diaper crony, Schumer. Sticking it to California. Sticking it to New York. All these blue states filled with Trump hate. Sir, when this is done, there will be far fewer Trump haters in California and New York and in your cities. You should be pleased with the Culling. Donald smiles. He says, Yes it’s a shame about poor Mitt. But he stays at home for a couple of weeks on vacation, you know. Me? I’m out here on the front lines. Pass me some more of those fries, will ya. Stephen says, The bag’s empty. Oh, here are some over here. He reaches under the sidechair and scoops up fries fallen from the day before, or some time recently. Donald takes them and eats for a moment, thought flickering across his face, like a passing breeze. He says, They want to know if I sold stock. Do I own stock? Stephen says, Absolutely not. Donald says, I own things. I don’t own stock. You, know its very interesting, you ask a question like that. it cost me billions of dollars to be president of the United States. I think it’s very hard for rich people to run for office. It’s far more costly. Billions I’ve lost. Nobody cares, but that’s alright. I did it for the country. And you know, Steverino, you know, we’ve handled this the best in history, we’ve been at the top, nobody’s been better, and Steverino, I make this solemn vow, WE CANNOT LET THE CURE BE WORSE THAN THE PROBLEM ITSELF. AT THE END OF THE 15 DAY PERIOD, WE WILL MAKE A DECISION AS TO WHICH WAY WE WANT TO GO! – Monday, March 23, 2020