CSI: American Carnage (Monday, February 4, 2019)
Donald, Mick, and Stephen are sitting in the conference room off the dining veranda at Mar. Donald says, This has gotta be quick. I got thousands coming in, some of the richest, most beautiful, smartest people who want to have some fun, right? They want to party during the game. So let’s get to it. Stephen says, It will be a great party, sir, and you can just say the word and we’ll have the M142s in place in no time. We’ve got a fleet of C-130s to bring them in. That would be my recommendation. MGM-140s can take out your targets way beyond Tijuana. Your collateral damage will be average. Mick says, No, no. Those M142s don’t provide the blocking power we want to show. Sir, I recommend we move the M1A2s immediately. Yes, it’s an older design. Yes, the Abrams Main Battle Tank has been around for awhile, but consider: It’s famous smoothbore can still hit with a wallop and generate more havoc than a fox in a chicken coop. Donald crosses his arms on his chest. He says, Look, this is where The Wall is key. With Caravans marching through Mexico and toward our Country, Republicans must be prepared to do whatever is necessary for STRONG Border Security. Dems do nothing. If there is no Wall, there is no Security. Human Trafficking, Drugs and Criminals of all dimensions – KEEP OUT! There is a banging on the door and a woman shouts: Donny, Donny! Bippy needs Googie! Donald ignores the banging. Stephen says, Sir, when the brown hoards reach the border, which is T minus 38 and counting, we need to show them what we’re made of. Donald says, is that hours? If that’s hours, we’re fucked aren’t we? Stephen says, I think it’s days. I’m pretty sure it’s days. Mick says, No, it is hours, plus or minus, that’s what the T means. It means approximate. Donald says, We could get some inmates to dig a trench and build a berm. I was talking to Xi and he said the Mongols didn’t have a clue what to do with their wall because you fill the trench with water and the horses crash into it and the berm becomes like a mud slide. Very effective. We got the gulf right there, two gulfs, which could meet in the middle and cut it all in two. We could set Mexico and all those Honduras people and Costa Ricas, just cut em loose and set em adrift. Mick says, Sir, I don’t think we have time for that, not with T minus 38 and counting. There is more banging on the door. A woman shouts, Goo Goo! Googie! We need you! Donald says, Look let’s wrap this up. I think we oughta have the M140s or whatever and the Abrams, which are big and famous, and maybe throw in some catapults, Xi says catapults took out hundreds and hundreds of Mongols. Move em into place along with our foot soldiers, no pikes, no pikes, none of that kind of shit, only the M1s, and have em ready by Tuesday, okay, because the American people are scared and they want to see what we’re made of. Donald gets up. There is more banging. Googie! Goo Goo! Donald says, That’s everything. I’ve got to go. And he heads for the door.