CSI: American Carnage (Monday, February 10, 2020)
MANCHESTER NH – Joe stands in front of the crowd. Several supporters hold up yellow signs with letters. When the supporters stand together, in the correct order, the letters spell out B-I-D-E-N. That’s good stuff, Joe says. A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A young woman asks Joe, Why did you do so poorly in Iowa? Joe says, Iowa’s a Democratic caucus, You ever been to a caucus? The woman nods, Yes. Joe says, No, you haven’t. You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier. Joe’s D is struck dumb. She wanders off to the right. B-I-E-D-N. Here’s the deal, Joe says. Number one, Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway. And number two, You’re short on ears and long on mouth. Okay. The young woman stares at him, mouth open. She touches her right ear. Joe says, Slap some bacon on a biscuit and let’s go! We’re burnin’ daylight! The crowd whoops. Joe’s I wanders to the left, I-B-E-D-N. Joe says, Here’s the deal, Out here, due process is a bullet! I know those law books mean a lot to you, but not out here. Out here a man settles his own problems. And let me tell ya, Ya don’t get lard less’n you boil a hog! Joe’s I collapses. B-E-N-D. Joe looks around at the crowd. He says, Look, Courage is when you’re scared to death, but you saddle up anyway. And number two, Tomorrow hopes we have learned something from yesterday. So forget that. Joe looks squarely at the young woman who asked about Iowa. Joe says, I got one. Just one more question, Pilgrim. How far up your ass do you want my boot? Down goes Joe’s B. All that’s left is the E-N-D. – Monday, February 10, 2020