CSI: American Carnage (Monday, December 31, 2018)
Donald and Stephen are in the Executive Lounge, ready for a day of binge rally watching on the teevee. Kelly is nowhere to be seen and Hector is silent and unplugged in his nook. Stephen looks in the mirror by the fridge and touches up his triangle patch, the hairy islet jutting over his head like a slick, pointy peninsula. Donald has his usual hand mirror and is looking at himself, smoothing his fenders, patting down his hood, alternately scowling and pursing his lips. Stephen says, This is an absolutely unbelievable way to close out a year of great successes. It was a great year and it will be topped by an even greater year, next year, after the new year. Donald says, You’ve done a tremendous job this year, Stevie, which I am not surprised about because when I picked you to design the Muslim ban, I knew you would achieve a beautiful success, which you did, and now there are no Muslims pouring into our country except over the southern border, the Mexican Muslims, who hide in the midst of the packs of MS13s who are sneaking in with the Honduras families. But that’s not your fault, you are fighting the Obstructionist Dems to keep them out, a real hero, and a hero who will be recognized because your are doing what I want you to do and you’re doing it, the way you fought beautifully to keep the criminal families out and to weaken them by dividing them like the Romans and the Chinese, which is what you do when you have a criminal families pouring in. The Romans and the Chinese, who are losing now, Xi is losing very badly. The Failing New York Fucking Times thinks we should just open the door and throw away the key, like with the prisons, but prisons are not our beautiful country and we’re not doing that. We’re gonna shut those fucking doors like they used to do, before Obama and the Dems. So you have been a tremendous asset to your country and to the people of your country and I just want to say, you have followed instructions well. Stephen returns to his chair in front of the teevee and says, Absolutely. It is unbelievable that those who want to destroy our country are allowed to just throw down the welcome mat and have a party of destruction while the Muslims and the rapists and the pillagers continue to pillage. But your courage in shutting down the government will send a message to those trying the breach our borders. We are not going to flag. We are serious about the Wall. The point is now, from our position of strength, we ought to tell the Obstructionists that the wall is not only going to be big and beautiful, but it needs to be weaponized with armed watchtowers staffed by Eric’s people who are not milquetoasts. Are we supposed to let people in, generation after generation, American blood spilling everywhere? American jobs going belly up? I think not. We have defeated ISIS. We have defeated Al Qaeda. We have defeated the Taliban. We have defeated Mexico. We have defeated everyone. You are victorious and the American people demand the fruits of that victory, which is a fortified southern border wall, well armed, and staffed by those who relish what needs to be done. Donald, remote in hand, says, I want to watch Louisville. Louisville is great.