CSI: American Carnage (Monday, December 24, 2018)
Wilbur stops Steve in the hallway and says, Steve, how fortunate I ran into you. Do you have a few minutes for a brief meeting? Steve says, Well, sure Wilbur, Louise is on her way to our plane, but I can take a couple. Wilbur says, That’s great. Just inside here. He opens a door to a small anteroom. Betsy is sitting on a Queen Anne settee drinking what looks to be tea. She says, Steve, how wonderful to see you. Wilbur says, Betsy, Steve only has a couple of minutes. Louise is on her way to Andrews to pick up their plane for – where? Steve says, Cabo. Wilbur says, How wonderful. Betsy says, Yes, it’s good to get away every so often. How are the Build the Wall Club Memberships going? We were so happy we could use your Cayman bank for the funneling of the contributions. Steve says, No problem, Betsy. Happy to help. The gifts keep on giving. The longer this border wall fight goes on, the greater the number of donations. Just keep it all going – that’s what Louise says. We’re halfway to buying our own rocket with the wall money alone. What a blast! Ha ha. Wilbur looks grim. Betsy looks down at her rings. Steve says, Hey, what’s this about? Betsy sighs. She says, Steve we have a problem. Wilbur says, Yes, a serious one and very secret. Betsy says, We desperately need your help, but not a word can get out. Steve says, Gee. That sounds bad. You can count on me. Wilbur says, Good, good. We thought so. Here is the problem. The Crown Prince of the Emirate of Arabia in the East, a good friend of MBS, has been kidnapped by Qatar pirates and is being held somewhere, we’re not exactly sure where, perhaps on an island in the Gulf, perhaps in Spain, we don’t know. They have given him 16 hours to live. Steve says, My god! Does the president know? Wilbur and Betsy look at each other. She says, Steve, the president cannot find out about this, you know how he is. Steve says, I sure do. So why do you need me? Wilbur says, Steve, the thugs from Qatar have demanded a massive ransom. Steve says, How massive? Wilbur whispers in his ear. Steve says, That is big. Wilbur says, If word gets out about this and MBS finds out and the president finds out, well, you can forget about the world as we know it. Betsy nods. She says, Sayonara. The big one. Steve looks glum. He says, What can I do? Wilbur says, We need complete secrecy. Betsy says, Not a word. Remember, we’re talking about the Crown Prince of Arabia in the East. He has promised to cover the ransom and give a handsome reward to his supporter. Steve says, How handsome? Wilbur says, 20 percent. Betsy says, 15 percent. She quickly corrects herself. 20 percent, she says. Wilbur says, We need a wire transfer from the Cayman wall account and from some Treasury accounts we’ve already identified to make up the difference. Everything goes into this Bermuda account, and these five Cayman accounts, divided equally, and we need it very fast. Steve says, Well I have to get our plane at Andrews. Don’t want to miss any time with Louise in Cabo. Wilbur says, This will just take a second, Steve. The Crown Prince’s life depends on it. As soon as he’s released, the accounts will be replenished. You know how generous he can be. Betsy has already contributed from her special Amway accounts, and, you know me, I’ve given what I have. We need more. As you can see, there’s absolutely no risk. Betsy says, Plus, you’ll be saving the world – and Cabo – from certain annihilation. Steve says, Well, I… Wilbur says, There is no time, Steve. This is life or death. Betsy says, Yes, Steve. We must act quickly. Think of the children. We cannot delay.
— Monday, Dec. 24, 2018