CSI: American Carnage (May 9, 2020)
NEW YORK – Doocer says, Mr. President, thanks for calling again because the audience is pumped – am I right Brian? Killer says, Absolutely, Steve. Now that we have a breakfast breakout segment of Scum, Not Scum, they want to see it all. Ainse says, Well, not all Brian. Killer laughs. Ho ho ho, Ainsely. That’s just a figure of speech. Donald says, Well I’m always happy to come on and share my thoughts. This is such a great platform. You’ve got the great journalists who ask the tough ones. But fair. Tough and fair. Doocer says, Well in this challenge round, Mr. President, we try to mix it up a bit. Donald says, Alright. We’re ready. Doocer says, You know the drill. Donald says, I do. Doocer says, At the bell, you tell me whether the person named is Scum or Not Scum. Donald says, Very simple. Doocer says, Sessions. Donald: Scum. Doocer says, Romney. Donald: You got to be kidding. The worst scum. You know, if you asked me who was the slimiest film on top of the most disgusting pond, the worst of the worst who stank up the garbage factory, the one who was rotting from the inside and oozing puss all over a bed of stench-belching gas wizards … A bell rings. Doocer says, That’s it for this first round, Mr. President. You scored two. Donald says, That was not a fair question. You threw Romney in right at the start. You told me Romney would be the last. Why would I come on a third-rate quiz show to do not as good as I am? Why? Brian says, Well, Mr. President, you may have scored two, but you know what? Donald says, What? Brian says, No one has ever scored that high in a challenge round. No one. You are the first! You are a winner! Congratulations! Donald says, Thank you. I knew I did well as soon as I heard the names. Doocer says, We have a second round. No one has ever reached the second round of Scum, Not Scum. It has never happened. Ainse says, This is so exciting! Donald says, It’s happening now because I don’t like to lose and because I can read people. It’s instinct. I smell them out. I know the answer before the question. Doocer says, Alright! These can be tricky, Mr. President, so listen carefully. Donald says, I always listen, unless I know what you’re going to say before you say it, which happens a lot, a lot. Doocer says, Ready? Donald nods. Doocer says, Beloved Seniors. Donald says, Definitely not scum, and I should point out that we are doing everything possible and I spend a lot of time with our military, who are also involved, and look very sharp, very together, which is not the way it was before when the last administration left us with no ammunition and broken parts, and such a disgusting, horrible mess, and I said, It doesn’t have to be this way, it doesn’t, and so we rebuilt and now we are the greatest and have the greatest and nobody can touch us, no one, but it wasn’t easy, let me tell you, not with the Democrat Party of Liars and Do Nothing, but what we did was incredible, absolutely incredible, and we will continue, you can count on that. – Saturday, May 9, 2020