CSI: American Carnage (January 4, 2019)
Hon, says Kellyanne, can you pass me my eyeballs – they’re not in the night vat. George, watching I Dream of Jeannie on mute, grouses a bit. He says, They were in the vat last night, sweetheart, I put them there myself. Kellyanne says, Yes, sweetie, I know, but I popped them in for awhile when I couldn’t sleep and decided I wanted to figure out where to put the poster. George gets up, rummages around, and finds Kellyanne’s eyeballs in the bathroom. He hands them to her and she pops them in. George says, Where to put what poster? Kellyanne gets up and says, The poster teasing the president’s new production, Sanctions Are Coming. I want to put it up in the dining room, I think. It’ll be such a conversation piece. George says, Lovie, that’s just a lot of nonsense. He hasn’t got any sanctions plan or date. He just wants to stir the pot, keep the balls in the air, point in the other direction. Kellyanne says, I can’t hear you, sweetheart, can you pass my ears over; they’re in the cloisonné box. George passes the ears over and Kellyanne snaps them on. George says, Here’s your nose and everything else, too. Kellyanne puts herself together and says, The president is saying sanctions are coming November 4th. George says, Not in our dining room they’re not. Kellyanne says, Listen, Mr. Kellyanne Conway, his first and solemn duty is to keep us safe in this country. Whether it’s Belarus or Iran, the president has vowed to protect us. George says, What does that have to do with a fake movie poster in our dining room? Kellyanne says, That’s certainly what people focused on, but we need border security, honey. George says, He doesn’t know what he’s talking about unless it’s about curly fries. Kellyanne is annoyed. She says, I think the president speaking for 95 minutes and holding forth on any number of issues shows his transparency, and shows he’s always willing to have the press in the room. George says, He didn’t allow any questions. He just rambled on backed up with beefy border agents with no hair. Kellyanne says, Well that is very rude George. I think the president deserves some respect. Plus, you are hurting the feelings of his children. Think of the children, George. George says, I am. And so is Mueller. Kellyanne says, I think it would look wonderful on the dining room wall. George says, I think we might want to put it in storage at the beach house. Make sure he autographs it first. Could prove valuable. Kellyanne says, Oh George. It’s not always about money. George says, It isn’t?