CSI: American Carnage (Jan. 3, 2021)
EN ROUTE TO WASHINGTON – The Trump Train has pulled onto a siding to take on water and passengers near Thor, north of Berlin. The land is denuded, void of trees but for one scraggly pine sagging from the weight of the black vultures holding on to its branches. Donald says to Rudy, beamed in on the Zoom, Those birds out there, can you see them? Rudy says, No. You’re filling my screen. Donald ignores him. He says, They’re holding up that tree out there. What a shithole this place is. Rudy says, We went before the judge, okay, who has greenlighted our approach. We knew if we could get before a judge, we’d be home. And it’s true. We pulled the tape. Peter argued the case. Donald says, let me see it. Rudy says, Let me figure this thing out here. He fiddles with his computer. A woman in underwear appears on the screen. She’s rolling in bed with what appears to be a guy in a bunny costume. His floppy ears whack her at the exact moment a man dressed in an SS uniform appears in the room with a whip. Achtung! he says, before Rudy cuts him off. Sorry, Rudy says, That’s for later. Here is the court tape.
Judge Jeanine: Now theres a commission, there’s an effort by 10, 12 senators to start a commission to count and to review and audit what happened in this last election and in addition there is this certification process. All this has to happen before January 20th. Do you have any hope that this can succeed?
Navarro: Yeah. Let me break a little news for you. Today, as part of a 6-person team, we did a Zoom meeting with hundreds and hundreds of state legislatures across the battlegrounds — Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Nevada, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. These are legislators. They’re hot. They’re angry. They want action. What we did was as a team, Giuliani was there, Eastman, John Lott, we gave them the receipts. We explained exactly how the Democrat Party, as a matter of strategy, stole this election from Donald J. Trump and on Monday, I’m coming out with a new report, the Art of the Steal. It will be on my Twitter feed. It shows beyond the shadow of a doubt this election was stolen. The Democrats used a lot of legal means to get to an illegal end and it was a game from the beginning. And it’s a tragedy to me because the one thing we shouldn’t be strategically gaming is the foundation of this republic. They stole this. We can prove it. So other things, breaking news, I would not be surprised to see a special counsel on this. And Vice President Pence has the authority to get the 10-day window to do what needs to get done and I cannot imagine when he looks at the facts that he won’t vote the right way on that.
Judge Jeanine: Alright. And you know, Peter, the interesting thing is that that 10-day window, it is something that they can change the date. The first, Jan. 20th, cannot be changed. That’s constitutional. But this whole certification thing, they…
Navarro: Well it can be changed, actually. We can go past that date. We can go past that date.
Judge Jeanine: Oh.
Navarro: We can go past that date if we need to. We gotta get this right. As Lara Trump said, Get it right. They stole, we need to get it back for the people.
Judge Jeanine: Ok.
Rudy reappears on Donald’s screen. Foam bubbles from the corners of his mouth. He says, So you see, once we get into court, once a judge lets us in, once we are able to get before the bench and argue the case, then we make the case, we haul in Hunter, we bring in Zlochevsky, Shokin. We bring in Xi. We bring in Clinton, Obama, Biden. No way they’ll wiggle out of this, no fucking way. Donald says, McConnell, Kemp. Maybe we bring in Romney too, right off the bat so he can’t run away, like a fucking chicken, the way he is, a chicken. Good work on the greenlight from the judge. We’re gonna pressure from the outside too. BIG Protest Rally in Washington, D.C., will take place at 11.00 A.M. on January 6th. Locational details to follow. StopTheSteal! Rudy says, Stop the steal! But the guys should be more discrete. They’re talking guns in DC. That’s illegal. They’ll be arrested. Donald says, It’s not illegal if I say so. You can defend your country and your way of life. They are saying it will be a literal war. If you are in a literal war, you are within your rights to storm offices and physically remove and even kill all the DC traitors and reclaim the country. That’s what they say, I don’t know. I didn’t say that. But that’s what they’re saying. They’re saying it’s in the Constitution. Jan. 3, 2021