CSI: American Carnage (Friday, November 15, 2019)
Donald sprawls on the recliner in the Executive Lounge, digging the aftermath of a big mac out from behind his molars. There is a knock. Hector silently opens the door and Mike enters, squirming along the floor toward the recliner. Your Majesty! He says. It is such a tremendous honor to see you. Mike reaches toward Donald’s right foot, preparing to engage in the toe cleansing ritual. But Donald waves him off and points inside his mouth. Mike stands and looks inside. Cheeseburger, he says. Magnificence, you need to rinse. Mike grabs a half-full glass of coke and hands it to Donald, who rinses and spits. Something rustles on the floor as coke rains down. Mike says, Oh Most Glorious Leader of the 101st and All the Other Numbers, they are in full retreat. Your perfect telephone call and your perfect description of our Great Policy has left them like shad flopping in the nets of their own devising. They are out of the water and will soon shrivel and split, offering their inner organs for the entire country to see. Your brilliance, Sire, knows no boundaries. Donald says, They must apologize. They must come here and apologize for the disgusting scam they’ve perpetrated on me. They are a disgrace and treasonous, plus the filth pouring from Nervous Nancy, who should be home cleaning up, is an environmental hazard and is getting NOTHING DONE. Mike says, Most Magnificent, she is a hazard, as you say, and the American people deserve something other than that kind of corruption. Mother and our pastor, who are our special envoys to Little Saint James, stand ready, Most Magnificent, to travel directly to San Francisco, as dangerous as it is, and flush out the truth. Donald says, Get this guy Sunderman who I never heard of, and get the truth out of him. Make sure Rudy is involved because these guys didn’t tell me nothing and they didn’t tell anybody else nothing either, but these scam artists are making it sound like they’re telling everybody everything, which is not the case, although the Impeachment Witch Hunt should be over Prystaiko’s statement, which Lou knows all about and has said he would spread the word, all over, spread it thick so stuff will grow and Shifty will find himself covered and everyone will see how much it stinks. — Friday, November 15, 2019