CSI: American Carnage (Friday, March 8, 2019)
CALEXICO, Calif. — The Professor is in high dudgeon. He is taken aback. As the paramilitary squad deploys around the greasy spoon table, the Professor says, Papers? You want my papers? What do you mean papers? This is not a movie. I am the Professor and these are my associates. Who are you? The leader of the squad says, We are federales, you know, mounted police. The Professor says, If you’re the police where are your badges? The leader says, Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges. I don’t have to show you any stinking badges. He withdraws and consults with other members of the squad. Sarah says to the Professor, Look outside. She points. In the middle of the street is a massive Stryker, a 19-ton, eight-wheeled, armored behemoth. Timmy says, Holy moly, Professor, look at the size of that tank. They must be expecting some action today! Sarah says, These have been patrolling the border against illicit women and children since the Bush years. They guard Haliburton workers, you know, the Kellogg Brown & Root guys fresh from Iraq, protect them from the babies. And they make it safe for the General Dynamics guys to work in the maintenance garages. Lockheed, Boeing, and Elbit Systems guys are down here too. This is boom town work. All along the border. It’s like the fracking fields up north a few years ago. A gold rush. A defense contractor feeding frenzy. Homeland security is the biggest of all businesses. We are at ground zero of corrupt spending. The leader of the squadron breaks with his men and comes back to the table. He says, We would like to see your identification. The Professor says, I told you who we are. We are American citizens. The leader says,Why don’t you try to be a little more polite. Boris says, Eet ees in our nature to ask the questions. The leader says, You some kind of foreigner? The Professor says, He is with me. The leader looks at the small strike force and their half eaten hamberders. He looks at Timmy. He says, Hey little guy, is this guy your daddy? Timmy says, Uh. I, uh. Sarah says, We are all together on vacation. The leader says, Right. The other customers in the greasy spoon have been silently watching this encounter. The leader says, No papers. No lunch. Okay boys. The members of the squad grab the professor and Boris and pull them from the table. Sarah and Timmy are dragged to the other side of the lunchroom. Timmy says, Hey, you can’t do this. Let me go! He and Sarah are dragged from the room. Let me go! Timmy shouts. Let me go! Timmy and Sarah are pulled down the steps outside to a bus with heavy wire mesh covering its blackened windows. They’re shoved inside. A member of the squad says to the bus driver, Hey Jumbo! Fresh meat! This pair goes to the Waiting Zone, the one carved out of Processing Area Z. We want to keep them safe! Jumbo rubs his pistol and pulls the door of the bus shut. He runs his tongue around his lips and puts the bus in gear. Sarah and Timmy are thrown to the floor as the bus careens down Imperial Avenue.
— Friday, March 8, 2019