CSI: American Carnage (Friday, January 3, 2020)
WASHINGTON – This is how you do it, Donald tells Stephen. Are there any Pop Tarts left, the cherry ones with the sprinkles? Stephen says, I don’t think so. Donald says, This is how you do it, you just quietly go in and you make the hit. They don’t even know what happened. Their guy is dead and we are sitting pretty, nobody is gonna challenge because we took their guy out. That’s the point of a hit. You surprise them and then you cut them off at the knees. Are you sure there’re no Pop Tarts? What about the strawberries? Stephen says, No, we finished those off this afternoon. Donald tightens his wrapper. There is major rustling toward the rear of the Executive Lounge. A big jar of Ragu falls from the top of the trash and rolls along the floor, trailing some sauce. Something moves up the wall on the other side of the fridge. Donald says, Gas bags. They’re just gas bags. These Kurds got nothing. And now we took out their supposed big guy who went down faster than Joey at Umberto’s Clam House. Stephen looks puzzled. Donald says, Never mind. It’s amazing to me, let me tell ya, that when you got Kurds pushed away from the border like so many muffin men, dough boys, that’s where they got dough boys from, the words, which I used, another invention of mine and it became very popular, it amazes me that they still think we’re not gonna take out them out. What do they say? A snake without a head is a useless snake. Stephen says, And the body will die. Donald says, Yeah. No head, no body. Nobody realizes that I’m just doing what Obama didn’t do. Did not do. They tried to make a big deal about this guy during the campaign. Gotcha, they were playing, but I play gotcha better than they do and this guy, this Sulman, this dead Kurd, he is dead and Donald J. Trump stands at the top, now, nobody else, Donald J. Trump, not Obama, not all the Fake News™ who don’t have the right stuff to take out a thug like this. Only I. I stepped in and did what no other president has done. None. Stephen says, No one. Donald says, First we pushed these Kurds out of the way in Syria. That was the plan. Now we cut off their head. Only I could do it. Only I understand what needs to be done. They say the polls are tremendous. The money’s rolling in. But I don’t care about the polls. I don’t care about the money. You know, this is costing me. Costing me big time. Big bucks. I don’t care about that. I care about our great warriors, our patriots, and our dear people across this great land. Jesus. I’m hungry. I always get hungry when I work like this. – Friday, January 3, 2020