CSI: American Carnage (Friday, January 17, 2020)
WASHINGTON – Donald wipes at the Ichigo strawberry-cheese smoothie spilled all over his wrapper. Shit! he says. The thick, engineered goo smears and spreads as he wipes, forming a generous pink stain, like bloody urine, which Donald absolutely had not been drinking, not even in Moscow in 2013 when he first encountered Big Red. He sighs. The mound of debris at the rear of the Executive Lounge teeters and collapses with a crash. Donald jumps in the recliner. Goddamn it! Hector! he shouts. Dammit! Get one of the Second Amendment people back there, will you! These rodents, or whatever they are, are fucking noisy. So Stevie, he says, turning to Stephen, seated next to the recliner, speaking of the Constitution, which the Fake News™ likes to trot out whenever they think they can humiliate and embarrass me, which is every fucking where and every fucking day, every fucking day, they think they are embarrassing me, but actually everybody knows they are embarrassing themselves with their hoaxes and scams, self-embarrassment, is what I call it, Stevie, I invented that too, self-embarrassment, the Fake News™, though, is too stupid to realize everybody is laughing at them, too fucking stupid, a fucking stupid disgrace. Stephen says, Absolutely, Sir! Did you see the Wog reporter from CNN ask Sen. McSally a question? Donald says, Yeah, yeah, she called him a liberal hack, but that’s so fucking lame, Stevie. The guy is a Democrat Illegal from Wogland who actually, like many others out there, belongs in jail and once he does his jail time, he gets his one-way ticket out of here back home to Shithole, Wogland, or maybe it’s Garbageville. Look it up. But I’m saying, the US , Constitution, which I’ve been studying, the US Constitution with it’s preamble and all that other irrelevant shit. Many are saying, and this is absolutely the case, they are saying that this so-called hoax, this bull-fucking-shit impeachment bullshit, is completely inconstitutional, so I looked it up and read it myself, and Stevie, the good news is everywhere! According to Article Two of the US Constitution, the president, hold on, let me find it here – Donald rummages through the papers, containers, empty cans, candy wrappers, old band aids with gobs of pus, paper towels used by Mike in the now twice daily ritual toe cleansings – ah! here it is. Donald opens a little pamphlet, with a grease stain on the cover, and turns to Article Two. He reads: The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia. Donald turns to Stephen, Right there, he says, That gives the power to me. We are talking about the ultimate power. I run the Army. The Army does what I want. Not what Schiffty wants. So fuck them! Stephen says, A beautiful reading. You are the power. Donald says, Okay. I am the power. Now get this. He reads again from Article Two: He may convene both houses and in Case of Disagreement he may adjourn them to such Time as he shall think proper. Donald looks up. He says to Stephen: That’s the ball game. Okay. If they disagree, I can send them all home. This gives me the power. And there’s nothing they can do about it. Absolutely nothing. – Friday, January 17, 2020