CSI: American Carnage (Friday, February 1, 2019)
WASHINGTON–No matter how many times I tell em, Stevie, they still believe the fraudsters and the con men. Stephen brushes some cup cake crumbs from his suit pants and says, Sir, they are out to get you, there is no question. Donald says, WITCH HUNT! Hey, let’s watch the Springfield rally! We came together, it was beautiful, a group of beautiful people from all over Missouri and lots of other places. Yeah. Springfield. Donald shouts, Kelly! Kelly! Stephen says, Kelly is gone, Sir. Donald says, What a looser. He couldn’t take it. When I told him to get lost, he cried. He cried! Great big tears. I remember. He said, Sir, I want to stay with you. I want to complete the journey! I said, Looser, get lost. Yeah. So, anyway, Kelly. I wanted to see if you knew he was out of here. Now we have someone else to pick up shit and throw things in the wastebasket and find my tapes. Hector! Find the JOH Arena tape. Hector appears from the shadows along the kitchen wall. He picks up a tape from behind the teevee and puts it in the VCR. He retreats back to the shadows. Donald says, Usually I use the tivo machine, but we got these tapes too. Better than the silver disks, believe me. A tape is great because the law enforcement doesn’t know what to do with them. They don’t have the equipment or the know how. The try to put em in those projector things and before you know it, they rip the tape to shreds. Morons! Gimme the remote. Stephen hands over the remote. Donald says, See this arrow thingy here, you press down on that pointing one way or another and you get to the spot in the tape you want to see and then you stop it. It’s beautiful. Donald pushes some buttons. A crowd appears on the screen. He says, Okay look at all those people. Now here I am. Look at me. I’m about to make The Prediction. The teevee shows Donald walking behind a podium. Lots of people are applauding him. He’s clapping. On the teevee, Donald looks out at the crowd and says, In 2020, about six months before the election, every single one of those haters is going to endorse us because without us, they have nobody watching television. We’ll get The New York Times, we expect to get The Washington Post, we’ll get ABC, CBS, we’ll get NBC — that’s a hard one to get. Donald pauses the teevee. He turns to Stephen. He says, Do you know why we’re going to get the haters? Stephen says, No. Donald says, Because people are going to be watching their teevee and they’re going to be seeing the fake hearings and the fake testimony, like the nonsense with the morons from intell they just showed, people are gonna see that, they’re going to watch people say things and do things and they are going to know it’s all fake because we will tell them, we will tell them it’s fake, that these people cannot be respected, that they are not serious, and that what they are saying is not happening. Because, Stevie, and this is key, if I don’t say it is so, how can it be? Our intell people all told me that they didn’t say what the Fake News™ showed they said. And I know that’s the case. See watch this. Donald turns the rally back on. The crowd is chanting: CNN Sucks! CNN Sucks! Donald pauses it again. This is what I’m saying, he says to Stephen. Our people know that what they are seeing isn’t there. They know it’s all fake. Like with the moon and Obama. Say what you will, but you can’t believe what you see and hear, as you know.
— Friday, Feb. 1, 2019