CSI: American Carnage (Friday, December 28, 2018)
Lindsey brings the bowl of warm milk and salt and places it on the floor of the Executive Lounge at Donald’s feet. Donald is leaning back in the lounger, his wrapper ties becoming unbound. Lindsey says, With a lovely warm massage, we’ll feel so much better. All the stress will begin to melt away and you will be suffused with bliss. I will fill you with satisfaction. Donald says, You give a good one Lindsey, a very good one. Lindsey says, You are the best, and these boney feet have given you only heartbreak. But we are going to do away with heartbreak and replace it with vim, vigor, and vitality. Donald says, You know, I already have all of that. Just ease the foot stress, okay. I’ve got to walk on a lot of hard surfaces soon, backs of whomever, you know. The bitch and the schnoz and all of them. Just relax the feet. Lindsey takes Donald’s naked feet in his hands and places them in the bowl of milk. Donald sighs. Lindsey begins to rub with his thumbs. He says, Very poor circulation here; no wonder we’re feeling sore and alone. Lindsey is here. You are not alone, you’ll never be alone. I know that the shutdown business is so stressful. Even I’m tossing at night. Donald says, We’ll get the Wall, don’t you fret. Lindsey says, I sure hope so because, you know, when it comes to radical Islam, a border wall is our last line of defense. Donald says, We killed them in Syria, but now they’re heading up through Mexico and they’re pouring into El Paso and all along the southern border. Lindsey says, That’s why you need a forward deployed presence working with partners to disrupt enemy operations directed at our allies and homeland. Donald says, Ahh. Rub more there. Watch the corns, okay. Why are we fighting for our enemy, Syria, by staying and killing ISIS for them, Russia, Iran & other locals? Time to focus on our Country & bring our youth back Home where they belong! Lindsey soothingly rubs the balls of Donald’s feet. He says, You just relax. There is a lot of bipartisan support for a conditions-based withdrawal and I will stand with you to achieve that goal. Donald gives out a long sigh and falls asleep. Lindsey continues to gently rub his feet, first one, then the other. Donald awakes after a few moments. He says, It’s the bone spurs that get me every time. Lindsey says, I know. You just lie back there and let Lindsey rub the sorrows right out through the tips of your little piggies.
— Friday, Dec. 28, 2018