CSI: American Carnage (Friday, December 21, 2018)
The Times guy is sitting in the Off the Record bar when his friend comes in, orders a Brewdog, and sits down. It is very late. For the past two years, the OTR has been staying open later and later as deadlines are obliterated to accommodate the administration’s 24-hour news cycle. The Post guy says, Hey, wanna go to the movies? The weary Times guy says, What? After today? After the no-shutdown shutdown? After Mattis finally throws in the towel? After Syria? After Afghanistan? After Big Matt tells himself that he doesn’t have to recuse from Mueller? After Congress panics and the town goes bat-shit crazy? After all that? Yeah, says Post guy. AFI’s showing King Kong at dawn. I dunno, says the Times guy. I’m kinda caught up in what’s happening in the real world. The Post guy says, Dude, dude. What could be more relevant and real than King Kong? Yeah, yeah, it’s got the racist shit – it was made nearly a hundred years ago. But think about it: A giant ape, primitive, crude, but a lover of blonds, is brought to New York. The bright lights are gonna shine on him. He’s bigger than some obscure little island 10,000 miles from Times Square. People are going to love him. He’s going to be a star! He is a star! But there are worriers and handwringers, They say, No chains will ever hold that — just like the Never Trumpers! Oh, you can’t tame him! Remember the Kochs and the Mercers said, We’ll give him more than chains. He’s always been king of his world, but we’ll teach him fear. We’re billionaires! Why, in a few months, he’ll be up in lights on Broadway: Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World. Money will just pour in! So they bankrolled his gig, put him on stage in chains and invited all the big shots in to see him. But Kong gets upset. He’s being treated like a brat, a toddler. No respect! He once was a god! He lurches and pulls on his restraints. Some Hannity-type guy dismisses the anxiety, okay? He says, Don’t be alarmed, ladies and gentlemen. Those chains are made of chrome steel! Ha! No chains can hold an agitated Kong for long! He breaks out, crashes from the theater, upends subway trains, smashes cars! It’s chaos! It’s insanity! The Times guy says, Yeah, you got that right. Chaos. Blood in the streets. The Post guy says, And what happens? The Times guy says, I dunno. The Post guy says, He sees pussy, blond and beautiful. Kong sees pussy! He grabs it. And that’s the beginning of the end. His pursuit of pussy leads to his demise. Remember the cop says that the airplanes got him. And some wise guy like the Mooch says, Oh no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast. The Post guy sits back. He says, How about that? Whaddaya say? They’re showing it round the clock. The Times guy says, I don’t think so. It’s too dangerous to leave for a couple of hours. You never know what you’re going to come back to and you never know what you’re gonna find in the streets.
–Friday, Dec. 21, 2018