CSI: American Carnage (Friday, August 23, 2019)
THE CENTRAL PLAINS – Beneath the tablelands of wasting corn, just a few miles from the dying town where great silos of mulch rise toward the rotting sun and old farmers lie on stretchers awaiting help from the emergency price-support workers, the Dark Ones sit pondering the Hoosier Puppet. Mike stands before them in the Chamber of Confabulation, bearing witness to the Gambler Showman and his Campaign of Good Deeds. My Lords, Mike says, We must not forget that he is the President of the United States of America, Commander in Chief of all of the Armed Forces, Lord of Every Bird that Cuts the Airy Way and Every Fish that Swims Beneath the Waves. His Magnificence is Emperor of the Sun and of the 13 Tribes that Rule the Burning Forest that Seeks to Rival the Sun in Hotness. He is Master of the Realm and of All the Realms that Stretch Beyond the Realm that He is Master Of. My Lords. He is King of the Jews and the Chosen One, both God and Man, and Spirit. When He descends into Himself, He will bear the Power of Spirit, and fulfill his Destiny as the Manifest God of all the Gods, the God of the End Times, the God of Revelations, the Ruler of the Universe and whatever is left. There is a long silence as the Dark Ones consider Mike’s speech. At last the elder brother speaks. Yes, yes, he says, but what of our money? There is a need for further tax cuts. We will not have our money stolen even for another minute. Mike says, His Magnificence is aware of the on-going diversion from your treasury. He regrets the difficulty. The younger brother interrupts. We are still sidled with this Department of Energy, he says, run by the impossibly stupid King of Lassitude. We told you in no uncertain terms that this department, which by its mere existence poses a threat, must be crushed, its buildings, papers, and employees scattered on your Nevada landfills. Yet here we are. The department still exists and your King of Kings is focused on destroying our business by jailing all of our workers and their parents. This is not acceptable. The elder brother nods. Yes, yes, he says. Mike looks from one brother to the other. My Lords, he says, His Highness says that there is a terrific plan that he will be unveiling probably next week, in a few days, that will be the best plan, a plan like none other, a plan that has not even been imagined in this day and age as yet. It is a great plan, he assures me. And if this great plan is not adequate, there is another plan that he is working very strongly on, he says, and that plan will be ready in a few days, a week or so. I spoke with His Lordship just moments ago, and what he told me is that everything is on track. He says that the Second Amendment will be protected by the strong background checks that are already in place and, gosh, the mental institutions are going to be opened up and the spigots will be turned on high, and that the voter fraud is going to be shut down, thanks to the expansion of our detention facilities. So he thanks you for your support. Mike stands in front of the Dark Ones who simply stare at him. The elder finally turns to his brother and says, This is more serious than we assumed. – Friday, August 23, 2019