CSI: American Carnage (Friday, August 16, 2019)
WASHINGTON — Donald tells Stephen, Denmark is not a serious country. Denmark is easy. The Manchester rally is on pause, right before Donald explains freedom to the crowd. Donald picks up the box of nacho supremes from the floor. He brushes off a taco chip, picks some grey fuzzy stuff from the top of the cheese dip, and scoops it into his mouth. Not serious, he says again, clearing a place for the chips on the side table. Dumb, he says. Stephen chuckles in the papery dry way he has, with the lip corners turned up and the eyes pinched. Donald says, They think we’re so impressed with their forests, clean and nice, maybe so, but they are nothing when you look at Finland. What do they want with Greenland? Stephen says, They want the land and they want whoever lives there. Donald says, Big deal. They can’t use the land for anything. All they got are the wood ships with the oars. Eskimos don’t play golf, they don’t, it’s the way their bodies are built, like little stubby hydrants. They’re good for putting out fires, that’s why they don’t have the fires in Greenland, but they don’t play golf, which is why, once we buy them, we transport them to Cali, put them there, resettle them, and when the fires come, which will be any day now, we deploy them, and watch your guy hop around. Governor PC, what’s his name. Stephen says, Newsom. Donald says, Yeah. Fake Newsom. Ha ha ha. We buy the Eskimos and stick them out in the valley. When they aren’t working on the fires they can stand on the lawns in Sherman Oaks, all nice and smiling, holding out the metal rings. Lawn Eskimos. Who’s gonna stop us? That’ll get Newsom’s panties all bunched up. Well, you know, we don’t want these Eskimos in California. They don’t belong here. Send them back. Right? Send them back. Ha ha ha. And I say, but they’re individ, individ, indigensous people. You can’t send them back because they are back and if you do, that is germicide. Ha ha ha. So get the checkbook from Munchkin and get on the Denmark. Stephen says, They don’t want to sell their people. Donald says, Their people? Theirs? Since when is a Eskimo from Denmark? Plus we bought them before and got Sarah Palen. Ha ha ha. I’m on a roll, right, on a roll. Donald hits the remote and watches himself educating the crowd. He says, as the crowd applauds and shouts and boos, he says, Virtually every top Democrat also now supports late term abortion ripping babies straight from the mother’s womb, right up until, right, up until the moment of birth, and in the case of the Virginia governor he’s having a rough, rough time. In his case, the baby is born and then he goes to talk to the mother. The doctor talks to the mother. The baby is now born, wrapped, as he said, and then they decide whether or not to execute the baby. That is why I’ve asked Congress to prohibit extreme late term abortion, because Republicans believe that every child is a sacred gift of God, hard to believe. The democrats are now the party of high taxes, high crime, open borders, late term abortion and socialism. The Republican Party is the party of freedom. — Friday, August 16, 2019