CSI: American Carnage (Friday, April 24, 2020)
WASHINGTON – The Good Doctor, sitting in the sub-basement conference room off of the White House surgery, says, Of course they’re going to be upset. Your suggestion is disruptive. It goes against conventional wisdom. They don’t like their comfortable assumptions scattered on national television. Donald says, That’s my thought. Plus they are Brits, which tells you a lot, a lot. Donald reads the paper in his hand: Due to recent speculation and social media activity, RB (the makers of Lysol and Dettol) has been asked whether internal administration of disinfectants may be appropriate for investigation or use as a treatment for coronavirus (SARS-CoV-2). As a global leader in health and hygiene products, we must be clear that under no circumstance should our disinfectant products be administered into the human body (through injection, ingestion or any other route). As with all products, our disinfectant and hygiene products should only be used as intended and in line with usage guidelines. Please read the label and safety information. We have a responsibility in providing consumers with access to accurate, up-to-date information as advised by leading public health experts. For this and other myth-busting facts, please visit Covid-19facts.com. Donald looks up. He says, Okay, they are very specific. These kinds of Democrat tricks, they are specific and they even call out by name the Lysol and the Dettol. I don’t know this Dettol, but it’s probably something these people make. I’m not a cleaning lady or a housewife, but they say nothing about Fantastik. They don’t say nothing about Clorox. Okay. Nothing about Windex. Nothing about Pine-Sol. It’s interesting, what they don’t bring up, or what they don’t mention. And nothing about the light. Absolutely nothing about the light, which is probably the biggest weapon, I think, I’m not a doctor, okay, but it’s interesting what they don’t mention. Nothing about Spic n Span. Nothing about Comet. Nothing about the pure alcohol. So pure. 100 percent alcohol. Crystal clear. Pure. So pure. The Good Doctor leans back. He says, You are right of course. There was a time when my profession was unafraid of boldness. You could take the gall of a red ox and two spoonfuls of water-pepper and four of your own urine. You added as much cumin as half a French nut and as much suet and you boiled it up and drank it and the pain would disappear. Or you could take a fat cat and flay it well, clean and draw out the guts, then take the grease of a hedgehog and the fat of a bear and resins and fenugreek and sage and gum of honeysuckle and virgin wax. Alright. Mix it. Then crumble that and stuff the cat, roast it all, gather the grease and slather it over yourself. Voila, a miracle cure follows in short order. Donald says, Very interesting. The Good Doctor says, fenugeek and owl-liver extract produces an interesting compound indeed, particularly when prescribed for the private parts of a beautiful woman. But those days of boldness are gone, I’m afraid. – Friday, April 24, 2020