CSI: American Carnage (December 8, 2019)
WASHINGTON — Donald tells Rick, The King has graciously provided Our double. Rick says, Okay. Donald says, Most people don’t know that, but the King’s tech crew has stepped in with their latest in human animation, which has progressed far beyond the lovely Sophia. Rick says, Oh. I remember her. She didn’t want me to wear my glasses, but I told her I couldn’t see her without them. Mick knocks and enters. He says, What did I miss? Donald says, Rick and I were just going over the policy. So we keep pounding them. Pound them until they are fucking drunk with the pain of the pounding. All the time hammering them. We can scare the shit out of them, as you know. Mick says, They are timid. Donald takes a long drink of his Sobe Adrenalin Rush and chews on what appear to be little white mints. He blinks furiously and sniffs. Donald says, Not only have the Democrats not advanced key pieces of legislation that would help the economy, but the polls, especially in early states, are showing that voters are tuning out. They all say that. They don’t want our greatest of all presidents impeached! Rick says, No. Me neither. Mick says, They are worthless. What about the Ghost Ship Initiative? We are thinking a pre-Christmas launch to maximize the fear. Also, on the other side of the plan, not that there are only two sides, but still — there’s the kitten plan Mitch is pushing. He’s willing to let the Kitten Bill go to the floor. Donald says, No, no. Not the Kitten Bill, which, by the way, is, actually, the Puppy Bill. Rick says, Bill? Mick says, No, no charge, that’s the beauty of it. It won’t cost anybody anything. Donald says, No Puppy Bill. Rick says, Flush it. Just flush it. Donald turns on him, livid! That’s the problem! That is the fucking problem! No flushing. Too much flushing already. I want something bolder, like the womb ripping stuff. Right now in a number of states the laws allow a baby to be born from his or her mother’s womb in the 9th month. It is wrong. It has to change. Rick brightens. That’d solve a lot. Donald says, Damn right it would. Only I can do it. – Sunday, December 8, 2019