CSI: American Carnage (December 31, 2020)
It is quiet in the Oval, late on the last night of the greatest of all years, 2020, a year that no one will forget, or, in the president’s words, It is the year that is soon to be was, a Trump year, like all years, and maybe one of the greatest, because, and this is crucial, it has set the stage for the greatest comeback, one like no other, a big-league comeback like no other, not even in the history of Great Trump Comebacks, and it will be remembered as long as there is that. In the corridor leading to the Executive Lounge, there is the sound of groaning, the sound of walls in pain, tables and recliners being crushed under unbearable weight, and from beneath the Lounge’s door, now closed and locked because the president is in Florida at the Winter Palace, a white ooze has escaped, a reeking sludge from within the Lounge, a self-generating viscous scum pouring out from under the door and drooling down the corridor. The door is bowing out, bulging from internal pressure brought by the now unchecked growth of meta-tumescent mold, now active and corrupting everything it comes in contact with, transforming all with its fungal touch. All is well on this night, a night like any other, but more so. Far to the south, in Florida, the president is speaking with Rudy and Lin, old friends gathering to talk world affairs. Rudy is saying, I think Joey No Socks can take the time to get some of the boys to discuss the matter, very serious, with Syd. She’s saying the Georgia vote is rigged for us. Donald says, Yeah. So? Rudy says, It’s rigged for the Dems. The Dems. Not us. Can’t you smell it? Donald says, They are all Rinos. They are disgusting. Rudy says, Agreed. But we can’t rely on Syd. Donald says, Lin? Lin says, Wolves are in our government. @RepDanCrenshaw is not to be trusted. His receptionist trusted him & he screwed her. Sent her to RNC. We are all sinners. God forgives us if we tell truth & ask. Donald says, Okay. Lin says, on CJ John Roberts, I have publicly accused him & Justice Breyer of being profane anti-Trumpers. I have linked Roberts to illegal adoption, Jeffrey Epstein, pedophilia & prior knowledge of Scalia’s death. Did Roberts skip class on defamation? Donald says, Okay. What do you think of the plan? Rudy says, There must something wrong with this guy. The Fulton County video shows the Democrats stealing thousands of votes. At least 10,000 dead people voted. They won’t allow anyone to examine phony Dominion voting machines, etc. He can’t be a Republican? Lin says, Roberts, not Kemp. Syd? Rudy shakes his head, something moves beneath the skin above his right ear. Donald says, The plan is set. We have requisitioned the train. The true Trump Train. Tuberville is gonna drive it. We’re gonna board at West Palm and then it will run north, I think. Every mile will pick up more patriots, okay, they’ll line the tracks, they’ll hang from the roof banging pots. Orlando, you pick up my white mothers, Jacksonville, my blacks and my Hispanics, Savannah, my whites, angry, but no dogs, we don’t want the dogs. Atlanta, the train’s barreling down the track with thousands hanging on, they ring the bell. I think we can get Tina Louise, with the boobs, nice, and Ted Nugent, great guy, Charlotte, Richmond, we’ll rescue Lee, a great general, Stonewall, Forrest, they say he was something, a great guy, no nonsense. We will be loaded. Bands at Union Station, crowds, the teevee, even the Fake News™ won’t ignore it, the streamers. the giraffes, the dancing cats, the jugglers, the tricksters with the magic. There’s never been anything like it, and we all rally, and I lead them all, they are all mine, and we march to the Capitol, which has never been done before, and Franklin Graham and the boys from POTUS Shield, very smart, very powerful, will lead us all in what they call the Levitation, which has not been tried since 1967, I think it was, that’s what they say, they say. But we will do it, we will lift the lid of that building, and stuff will pour out from inside, crawling down the building and out to the streets, and it will be a new day, a Trump Day, the First Day, the First Day of all the rest. — Dec. 31, 2020