CSI: American Carnage (December 10, 2018)
So let’s get this kid here and show him a good time, Donald says to Gen. Mattis. This is real, he continues, this is the real deal. Hey Kelly, you’re still getting a paycheck. How about some coffee and snacks. Kelly goes around the conference table taking orders. Donald says to Mad Dog, We get him in and we have a bunch of people, we make the snow, get the snow machines, make the snow, and have a snowball fight. Melania will throw something. And I will tell this kid, this is what it’s all about, this is all about snowballs and Christmas. I give a speech. I swear to them that nobody’s gonna kill Christmas and kids on my watch, not like with Obama, where they just put em all in jail. Break the law, you go to jail. Mad Dog says, We should stay away from that theme. Stick to bringing back the joy of the holiday season. Donald says, It’s not the fucking holiday season. It’s fucking Christmas. Obama enjoys the holidays; we celebrate Christmas, you know, Christ, as Jeffress is always going on about. That’s what this kid is all about, not the Christ thing, okay, but he sees a law banning snowballs, he’s upset because, to him, snowball fights are what America is all about. He goes to his town council, he makes a speech, and the council overturns the fucking law. Then the kid goes on Fox, everybody else, all the Fake News™ and everybody is pushing this phony, terrible story about Miller and his eleventeen angry Dems, they are conflicted, they are a disgrace, they are liars, and they lie to the American people, they do it 24 hours a day, every day, Trump this and Trump that, collusion, which there is none of, by the way, and Fake News™ eats it up. But this kid, this fucking kid in Idaho or Wyoming, he looks at the president and he’s inspired, see, he wants to throw a fucking snowball, alright? But this two-bit town says, you throw a snowball, you pay the price and go to jail. So the kid says that’s wrong, that’s un-American, that’s not right, that’s not President Trump’s America, and he argues his case before the town and he fucking wins, so now, Christmas is back! And his town is free of all this Obama and Hillary nonsense, this evil dirt they are pushing on the American people. So get this kid up here, have a fucking snowball fight, and let people know that we are bringing America back. Maybe he mows lawns, too. We could use a good mower. And a fucking housekeeper. So many lies, going around, so many lies. Get this kid here and we will inspire him. Maybe one day, if he plays his cards right he can be president too. Later is what I’m talking about. He can’t be president now because I am the president. I am running this shitshow.
–Dec. 10, 2018