CSI: American Carnage (April 20, 2019)
BENEATH AND ALONG THE SOUTHERN BORDER — The small strike force scrambles to exit the backchannel near the southern border. Rock falls everywhere and piercing, unbearable shrieks of NO COLLUSION! NO OBSTRUCTION! grow even louder. Quick, says Little Timmy, pup reporter, there is a side channel over there. The group heads into an opening, away from the main tunnel. The Professor says, Keep your gas masks on and use your communicators. We don’t know what we’re facing yet. The shrieks continue to fill the main tunnel, but to the side, where the strike force has taken refuge, it is possible to hear a nearly continuous rat-tat-tat. What is that sound? Timmy asks. Sarah, his friend from the resistance potluck, says, It definitely sounds like gun fire. The Professor says, Here is an exit sign and some stairs. Head topside and reconnoiter. The group scrambles up cement steps and pushes off an iron grid covering the opening to the back channel. Outside, it is past dusk and the rat-tat-tat is much louder. Sarah says, Definitely gun fire. Probably border agents or the autocrat’s personal militia. Boris, genial triple agent, has been quiet for some time. He says, Definitely sound of rifle. Timmy says, Maybe it’s coming from that roller-coaster park over there! Let’s go! People probably need help! The Professor says, Timmy, Timmy that is just an amusement park in the midst of this empty, desiccated desert wasteland. Nothing more. You can see its rides and roller coasters from here — the El Bandido, the Paratrooper, Pharaoh’s Fury. The sound is coming from over the rise beyond. They head down the sides of a steep arroyo, climb up the rise, and look down. Wow! Timmy exclaims. Guys in camo costumes threatening hundreds of people kneeling in the dirt! Look! There are women and babies! Boris says, Eet ees just like home. The strike force looks on as the uniformed commandoes, decked out in pseudo-gear, fire off their AR15s into the air. Off to the north, empty roller coasters crank up steep slopes and then shoot down the other side with a tremendous rattle. Park lights, still functioning, flash on and off. A giant clown face, its vinyl skin cracked and blistered, gives off a raspy laugh that echoes through the empty night. The park appears to be deserted. Timmy says, Strange! Come on! The group slides and runs down the small hill and heads for a man holding a cell phone. He seems to be in charge. Hey! shouts Timmy! Hey! The man says, Quiet, we’re doing facebook live here. This video’s being watched by 16, no, 15, no, 11, no, 9, shit, 13, yes! 14, 15 people, you there, shut up. Smile, comprende, you’re on sincero camera! Ha ha ha! The Professor says, What are you doing! The man says, We don’t have to tell you nothing. Maybe you’d like to talk to the border patrol if they get here. Or maybe you’d like to talk with these coyotes or mules or whatever they are. We’re holding em. Ok. We got strict rules. No killing. Pulled em from the park over there. They thought they could just go to the park. Not on our watch. No way. We are protecting this country. — Saturday, April 20, 2019