CSI: American Carnage (Monday, January 7, 2019)
Donald is in the Oval, lining up a putt. There is a knock at the door. His ball veers right. Donald removes his cap and throws the putter down. Come, he says. Mike enters. Sire, he says, we are so grateful and appreciative of achieving this audience. He drops to a knee and bows. Donald says, Rise. Mike stands with some effort. He says, Mother and I are deeply honored to be a part of your historic time here in the capital city. Donald says, So many of the gays gather here, you and the other boys must be having a quite a time hunting. Har har har. Mike bows his head at Donald’s mirthless laugh. Mike says, We are honored that you have noticed our humble efforts at cleansing the area of the abnormal taint. Our pastor says we must not rest from our efforts to overcome the homosexual agenda and the immigrant invasion. We await your direction, Your Highness, and look forward with gratitude to the opportunity to fulfill your every desire. Donald says, Okay, look we have a national emergency here. We’re looking at a national emergency because we have a national emergency. You can smell it. Mike sniffs. He says, I can smell it too, Sire. The acrid smell of Guatemalan homosexuals running through the desert. Our pastor has warned us. He told Mother, when they were last at the Las Vegas Holy Water Spa and Lounge, He said, Beware the acrid smell. Donald says, Alright. I informed my folks that we’ll build a steel barrier. It’ll be less obtrusive and it’ll be stronger. It will be beautiful, more beautiful and modern than the concrete. Easier to build, beautiful. They came back to me after research and said steel is the best for a barrier. It will be less obtrusive and stronger and more modern and beautiful than concrete. They said it will be shapely, which is a plus and which is what I told them going in. The experts have confirmed that. Mike, I don’t need confirmation. Mike says, No, Majesty. Donald says, The Dems don’t like concrete, so we’ll give ’em steel. A Wall of Steel. Mike says, So there is progress, Your Magnificence, in discussions with the obstructionists? Donald says, Very productive meeting. They sent staff over. My staff met with their staff. We told them, Okay, we can call a national emergency and build it very quickly. They said, Fine. Go ahead. Call an emergency. So we’re working out the details now. It is going to be very easy and it’ll be done very quickly, though their steel will cost more. Mike says, We cannot build it soon enough, Sire. The taint is spreading quickly. The homosexual agenda has reached into the animal world. We do not want to be in a position of rounding up the people’s pets. Donald says, No. But stranger things have happened in wartime, Mike, believe me, stranger things.
— Monday, Jan. 7, 2019