CSI: American Carnage (Thursday, July 30, 2020_
OWEGO IA – Herm stops the pickup at the end of the access road, hops out of the cab, walkie talkie in hand, and checks the fence. He speaks, Rover to Base. I’m at the fence. Over. Ruthie’s scratchie voice comes on. Rover, do you read, over. Base, this is Rover. What? Over. Rover, this is Base. Do you read? Over. Base, Oh. Yes. I’m at the fence. Over. Rover, Do we have the electric? Over. Herm sticks his walkie talkie into his belt, and walks over to the fence. He spits. It crackles. He takes out his walkie talkie. Rover to Base. Affirmative on the electric. Over. No. Not over. Base, We have a situation here. I’m investigating. Over. He puts his walkie talkie back into his belt. There is a body on the ground, not more than six feet away. Herm opens the gate and walks outside the farm perimeter. There is a wind kicking up, blowing across the acres of dead corn, whithered in the absence of rain. Herm looks down at the lifeless eyes of Mr. Dorpminster, former owner of the general store in town before the bank took it over. He is deceased. Herm says into the walkie talkie, Base, this is Rover. We’ve got a situation here. Seems Dorpminster dropped dead next to our fence. Over. Rover, this is Base. Herm, you be careful. Dorpminster’s a RINO. Probably a Never Trumper. He could be infected still. Coulda come out here to infect us. Leave that carcass be. Do you copy? Over. Rover to base, I want to check the pockets. See if there’s something useful. Over. Herm rifles through Mr. Dorpminster’s pockets. They’re empty but for a $5 bill. Herm takes it and puts it in his own pocket. Ruthie, he says into the walkie talkie, Ruthie! He had a fiver! Base to Rover, Do not copy, please repeat. Herm gets a-hold of himself. Rover to Base, Deceased had a fiver in cash money in his pocket. Will use to pay down hydroxychloroquine and demon sperm account at CVS. Over. Base to Rover, Rover, put the cadaver in the back of the truck. It may be worth something. Over. Rover to Base. Wilco. Over. Herm jabs the walkie talkie into his belt, lifts the stiff remains of Mr. Dorpminster, and dumps the body into the truck. The wind swirls, crackling the dried stalks of corn. He looks down the length of the electrified fence. Rover to Base. The package is loaded. Headed for CVS. Over. He hops back into the cab of the truck and heads down the road, the podcast of Dr. Simone Gold filling the space and swirling out into the wind and the crackling corn: We’re here only to help American patients & the American nation heal, she says. We are not held down by the virus as much as we’re being held down by the spiderweb of fear; & that spiderweb is constricting us & draining the lifeblood of the American people, society, & American economy. Do not lose your lifeblood at the End of Days! As Dr. Immanuel says, Beware the demon. They turn into a woman and then they sleep with the man and collect his sperms. Then they turn into the man and they sleep with a man and deposit the sperm and reproduce more of themselves. Do not be fooled. Herm shakes his head, muttering, The flatworm jabs his penis into his own head to inseminate himself and reproduce the demon flatworm. He shakes his head again. There is nothing, nothing they won’t, do. What has happened to this great country? — July 30, 2020