CSI: American Carnage (Friday, July 10, 2020)
WASHINGTON – Donald tightens his wrapper, grabs last night’s Rodeo King Burger with extra sauce, and eats what’s left. Goddammit! Hector! Hector! Donald shouts. Hector is reinforcing the polycarbonate shield. The relentlessly growing mold has now absorbed the entire rear of the Executive Lounge creating structural instability. Hector! I need a Sobe. Hector takes a spare titanium I beam and uses it to bolster the shield. As he turns to attend to Donald, there is a sharp crack! The mold is now pressing through the rear of the lounge, breaking through the masonry wall and leaking down the outside of the White House. The stench is overwhelming. Donald shouts, Hector! Sobe! Hector unplugs his extension cord, makes his way through the tunnels of debris, and grabs a drink from the auxiliary fridge behind the presidential recliner. He hands it to Donald. Donald says, Completely disloyal. He gets the job. He gets his loans paid off. He gets the airtime on teevee. And then he turns around and knifes me in the back. He thinks he’s so fucking smart. Mr. Eisenstein. Hector stands silently by the recliner. Donald says, Hec, you are tremendous. These others, they are loosers, completely. Hec, if there was a meeting of loosers, they wouldn’t let that asshole in, no matter how hard he banged on the door. Here’s what we need to do. Joey and the guys are coming down from AC. All of them. Big guys. When they get here, I want you to take them for a little visit to that asshole’s house, okay. Bring Squi and PJ, okay, Squi and PJ. Hog tie them and hang em from the big limb sticking out in the front yard. Gag them. I want you to paint their hands red, okay. Use the paint in the sub-basement next to Jare’s old cell. I made all of them. Where would they be without me? Jare would be fucking bankrupt and headed for the slam. Mr. Eisenstein would be broke and doing time for rape. You see what they did to Melania? Burned her face right off. Burned it right off. If she were a statue in Souvlaki or wherever, they’d tear her down not just burn her face off. Maybe Baby Doll could do something. She has talent. She has assets. I don’t know. Look, Hec, I have done more for the blacks, more for the women, the Latins. Everybody knows it. They all say it, as you know. And the other guy? What’s he done except stumble around and get a free pass after viciously attacking me like I’m some kind of shark bait. Hector! I am not shark bait! I am not any kind of bait! Hector! I am president of the United States! Do you hear me? The United States! And no little preppie twit from Greenwich is gonna fuck me! Do you hear me, Hector? Get me another Sobe. Donald pulls himself from the recliner. He grabs Hector and embraces him. Hector stands silently, Donald wrapped around him like a squid. – July 10, 2020