CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, November 24, 2018)
Deep beneath the chilly tundra that stretches over the vast central plains complex, the Dark Ones sit, warm within the Cavern of Conniving. Along the walls, portraits of past heroes – Robert Welch, Gerald B. Winrod, William Dudley Pelley, Washington Irving, and many, many others whose service to the Dark Ones and their forbears is beyond question, gaze down, a parade of dark suits, white skins, piercing blue eyes, and shiny golden watch chains. The elder brother, his green tea forgotten on the end table, says, My brother, the gambler showman has only a few days before the communists complete their theft and sweep into the lower chamber of the so-called legislature. The younger says, Indeed, my brother. But do not forget, we have acquired the one they call Whittaker. The Hoosier puppet assures our agents that this Whittaker is flexible and, of course, fungible. He may prove one of out best purchases. Not only will he dispose of the dog-faced do-gooder, the mulish one, but he will dismiss all of the criminal law suits and lying regulatory claims that remain outstanding within their pathetic agencies. Father would indeed be proud of our foresight. Buying this Whittaker, discounted off the shelf, I believe will turn out to be the essence of prudence and thrift, considering. The elder brother remembers his tea, takes a sip, and says, The communists are suggesting that this Whittaker is not fit to serve. The younger chuckles. Ho ho ho, my brother. What better person to serve as chief law-enforcement officer than one who has tested the limits of the law? That is the virtue of Whittaker, and, dare I say, the virtue of the gambler showman and all the others we have directed him to employ. His indifference to and contempt for law and standards makes him the ideal figure for our fantoccini. Only one who has dismissed all laws can ably enforce the laws we need, if any. The elder says, And let us not forget, the further away the gambler showman moves from previous behaviors seen on the national puppet stage, the more remote past puppet behavior becomes. We control the visions and the memories. Nothing is what it was and no one can say what that might be anymore. I do hope you are taking notes. What will be has become untethered from what was. The younger chuckles himself. He says, What I know, my brother, is that the gambler showman does what he’s told and the Hoosier puppet is there to remind him. We have much to be thankful for, even the communists, in their petty disarray may prove a gift. This Schumer is someone we can work with, as in the past. Ha ha ha.
— Saturday, Nov. 24, 2018