CSI: American Carnage (Monday, June 1, 2020)
WASHINGTON – Donald descends past the subbasement and further beyond the familiar “Dark Rooms” used during the Women’s March, into the bunker. He looks around past the bodyguards and the muscle men and spots Jare and Baby Doll. Jare, Jare, he shouts, get over here. Jare says, Dad, are you okay? Donald says, Nobody can get in here. We’re totally safe. Baby Doll skips over, sits on his knee, and wraps her arms around him. She says, Oh Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, I’m scared! Donald says, Nothing to be scared of, Baby Doll. She says, But they’re all so black. Donald says, So is tar, Sweetie, and you still drive all over it. She says, Yes! I hadn’t thought of that. Oh Daddy. She hugs him tighter. Donald turns to Jare and says, Jare, look, I’ve got an idea. Listen up. Jare says, Sure Dad. Your ideas are always really innovative. Donald says, I’m gonna put you in charge of fixing this situation. This is another mess Obama left for us. Just dumped it in our lap. Nobody has ever seen anything like this. Jare says, Not a problem, Dad. It’s pretty simple. I’ve got a good buddy at Lazard, we used to mess around at Toad Hall, and he’s got some friends who I’m sure are black. We can put together a plan really quickly. Donald says, I’m thinking some kind of spy technique that can find the Antifa meddlers too, and the anarchists, the ones that have riled up all the blacks. Jare says, Sure, Dad. There are some guys I know at Intel that may know about chip implantation. Innovation in the valley. They’re pretty innovative. You know. I’ll bring them on board. We’ll fix the problem with your blacks and we’ll solve the problem of the other blacks, and this organization that’s egging them on. Baby Doll says, Oh Jare! You are so smart! Can Mitzy be on the team? She knows a black and she’s an entrepreneur of the cosmetics in China, where they solved the problem like a long time ago. Jare says, Mitzy from Dalton? Baby Doll says, Yeah! She’s so smart! Jare says, Sure. I remember her from Jeff’s. We’ll bring her on board. Dad, are you gonna say anything to everybody? Donald says, Here in the bunker? Yeah, like, we’re happy we’re all here and we’re completely safe. Jare says, What about the country? Donald says, What about it? Jare says, A lot of the extremists are saying you should talk to the nation. Donald says, What am I gonna say? Stay home? Listen to your mayors? They’re all part of the problem. Do I want people listening to the problem? Jare says, No. You like go around the problem. What do they call it? What’s the word? Baby Doll says, Outflank? Yeah, Jare says, outflank, go around them, like you get your driver to get around a car wreck. Donald says, I’m thinking I can tell them about how Sleepy created this whole situation and Obama fueled it and then they just walked away and left it for us. They are failed but I am going to fix it like it’s never been fixed before. I like the chip idea. You can put the chip in and that solves the problem, almost like a cleaning. – Monday, June 1, 2020