CSI: American Carnage (Wednesday, May 13, 2020)
The hooded figures solemnly file into the vaulting cathedral, their faces shrouded by muslin cauls, oozing with viscous coatings of perfumed hand sanitizer. They shuffle into pews. The high priest gazes from the chancel.
He says, Let us pray.
The congregation bows.
The priest says, What is the crime?
The congregation responds, You know what it is.
What is the crime?
Everyone knows. You know. Everybody.
What is the crime?
Obamagate.
What is Obamagate?
The biggest crime in American history.
What is Obamagate.
A complete disgrace.
Who suffered?
A great American patriot and a very fine man.
Who suffered?
General Flynn.
What was the purpose?
To bring down the president.
What was the purpose?
To commit terrible things.
Let us pray.
The priest says, What did Obama know?
The congregants respond, And when did he know it.
What did Biden know?
And when did he know it.
Let us pray.
What is the crime?
The crime is very obvious to everybody.
The priest lifts a silver plate bearing a black cloth mask with two eyeholes roughly cut out. He says, Who has ripped the mask from the masked disciples?
The congregants respond, Susan Rice. Sally Yates.
Who has exposed General Flynn the Loyal?
Obama. Biden. Concast. The Postal Service. The Deep State.
Let us pray.
The priest says, Praise to Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed al-Nahyan the Mysterious. Praise to Jared Kushner the Bold. Praise to Steve Bannon the Shrewd. Praise to General Flynn the Loyal.
All praise.
Praise to Donald J. Trump the Humble.
The congregation falls to its knees.
Praise to Donald J. Trump the Wise.
The congregation begins its silent prayers.
Praise to Donald J. Trump the Magnificent.
The congregation bows and repeats, Praise, praise, praise.
What is the word?
The word is Obamagate.
What is the word?
The word is Obamagate.
How long has it been happening?
A long time.
Amen.