CSI: American Carnage (Friday, February 14, 2020)
NEW YORK – The Times guy pushes his way through the throngs of Bloomberg reporters in the Subway Inn and sees his pal sitting at the rear of the bar. Hey, he says to the Post guy, quite a crowd tonight. Yeah, says the Post guy, the dudes from Bloomberg News are celebrating the ultimate source. Mike’s ponied up for a month’s worth of Moscow Mules. Really? says the Times guy. I can’t drink that! It would be completely unethical! The Post guy shouts, Barkeep! Two Brewdogs! The Times guy says, So Donald wants Cuomo to kill all the investigations. The Post guy says, Yeah, in return Donald will allow New Yorkers to participate in Trusted Traveler. He says Cuomo should talk to Rudy. The Times guy snorts. The Post guy says, And while he’s at it, Cuomo should cut the taxes. The Times guy says, Kill the investigations. That’s rich. Ok, you’ve got the Trump inaugural committee, there’s at least five investigations there. You got the Southern and Eastern Districts of New York; you got the Central District of California. You got the AGs in New Jersey and Washington looking at foreign money and improper spending. You got the investigations of the Trump Organization. You got Letitia looking into all the undocumented workers forced to work extra hours without pay at Trump’s golf club in Briarcliff Manor. You got New Jersey looking at the fraudulent papers given to the undocumented workers at Bedminster. You got Letitia looking at huge Trump loans and Financial Services is investigating Trump insurance policies. The Trump Foundation may have been shut down, but Letitia is still looking at whether it spent money on the Trump Org or the campaign. The Department of Taxation is looking at that too. The Post guy says, Don’t forget the campaign. You got SDNY looking at all the ties and planning the campaign did with Rebuilding America Now, the super PAC that poured all kinds of dough into oddly coordinated campaign activities. Yeah, says the Times guy. And remember Stormy? Payments to her are still under investigation. Not to mention the money to Karen. Hey, says the Post guy, who could forget Karen and Stormy? Then there are the investigations into Donald’s personal finances. Yeah, says the Times guy, the fraud and tax abuses, the housing violations – you got your criminal investigations, your regulatory probes. The Post guy says, Donald is like a WPA for prosecutors. Yeah, says the Times guy. The Post guy says, We must’ve missed some. The Times guy says, Probably. But you know what? The Post guy says, What? The Times guy says, We may have missed a couple, but Donald knows them all and he’ll bring up every single one to Cuomo, every last one. The Post guy says, Yeah, because, you know, nothing like this has ever happened to any president in the history of presidents. I wonder why. The Times guy gives a bitter chuckle. The Post guy shouts, Barkeep! Another round! – Friday, February 14, 2020