CSI: American Carnage (Wednesday, December 18, 2019)
WASHINGTON – Donald is slumped in the recliner of the Executive Lounge. He tightens the tie on his wrapper, knocking over some tub-like plastic cups half-filled with Starbucks Salted Caramel Mocha Frappacino. Donald says, Shit. The frappacino runs in a stream on the floor, cutting a rivulet past an outcropping of old hotdog buns mounded next to the recliner. Donald watches. He turns to Stephen, sitting on the sidechair next to the teevee table. Donald says, Good marks and reviews on the letter I sent to Pelosi today. Stephen says, It was a great letter, a letter that will go down in history as one of the important milestones in the course of our nation’s processes. With your help, sir, we are becoming ourselves again. Donald grunts. Harumph, he says. She is the worst! No wonder with people like her and Cryin’ Chuck Schumer, D.C. has been such a mess for so long – and that includes the previous administration who (and now we know for sure) SPIED on my campaign. Stephen says, Action needs to be taken and only you can take it. There still may be time to head off this whole clown show, sir. They have no authority. Many of them may be illegal. We are looking into that. Yet these illegals and illegitimates claim the power to judge you. It’s laughable. But you have authority and support sir! We are here with you! Donald harrumphs again. Hector! Hector, he shouts. We need some chicken sandwiches here, okay! We are strategizing. Donald says to Stephen, Stevie, like I said in the letter I wrote, which only I could write, Schiff cheated and lied all the way up to the present day, even going so far as to fraudulently make up, out of thin air, my conversation with President Zelensky and read this fantasy language to Congress as though it were said by me. He pretended to be me! Before Congress! Stephen says, Yes. As you said, Lying, illegal, and illegitimate. That’s why we put that in your letter. Donald says, It’s a total sham. When you have a guy like shifty Schiff go out and make up a statement that I made, this is what I said, but I never said it. He totally made it up. In Guatemala, they handle things much tougher than that. Stephen says, No one can be as tough as you, sir. You are the toughest. Donald says, I had a totally innocent conversation with Zelensky. I said to President Zelensky, I would like you to do us a favor, though. I said do us a favor, not me, and our country, not a campaign. You know, Stevie, every time I talk with a foreign leader I put America’s interests first, just as I did with Zelensky. What they’re really afraid of Stevie, and I’ve heard this from a lot of people, like, so, if Comey & the top people in the FBI were dirty cops and cheated on the FISA Court, wouldn’t all of these phony cases have to be overturned or dismissed? They went after me with the Fake Dossier, paid for by Crooked Hillary & the DNC, which they illegally presented to FISA. They want to Impeach me (I’m not worried!), and yet they were all breaking the law in so many ways. How can they do that and yet impeach a very successful (Economy Plus) President of the United States, who has done nothing wrong? These people are Crazy! We have places in remote spots where we can stick these people, those who are still around when this is over and they are destroyed. Like they deserve. It begins today, Stevie, and we will end it with a grand finale the likes of which Shifty and Nervous and Crooked have ever seen. Wednesday, December 18, 2019