CSI: American Carnage (Friday, December 13, 2019)
IN THE CYBER – The Diapered Anomaly squats in the center of a rocky field, acrid clouds of smoke slowly dissipating and the sky becoming a lurid magenta. Little Timmy, pup reporter, and the Professor’s small strike force have collapsed, exhausted, at the mouth of their cave somewhere in The Cyber. Timmy says, Professor, Do you think it’s safe? Do you think there is time to reach the entrance to the backchannel? Should we make a run for it? The Professor takes out his pipe, taps it on a rock, removes a small pouch of dried oregano, and thoughtfully refills the bowl. Well, Timmy, he says, experience tells us that this may be just a lull. The Anomaly has lapsed into a stupor before only to revive and lash out, drawing blood from all nearby living things. Perhaps we should wait. At this point, Mohammed, Timmy’s friend looks up and says, We are stuck here. We are never getting out. The Anomaly is just toying with us as though we were mice or voles. I’m writing my dear mother a farewell letter. Perhaps someone will find it and tweet it to her. The Professor says, Oh, Mohammed, it is not that dire. We could…. Professor, Timmy shouts, Look! The strike force turns and peers out over the field. The Anomaly is still sitting, now eating dirt. But behind it, armed soldiers have appeared. They are wearing metal helmets, shiny steel vests and boots, and they carry spears. They are shouting in unison, You’re the puppet. Hup. No. You’re the puppet. Hup. No you’re the puppet. When they get to the Anomaly, they stop. The Anomaly reaches out and pets them. The Anamoly says, Awww. A screaming comes across the sky: Warriors! The Anomaly continues to pet the soldiers, who are now beaming with delight. Sarah, Timmy’s friend from the resistance potluck, says, They are basking in the praise of the Autocrat. He is bestowing his blessings and they are absorbing the message. Do you hear? The Anomaly says, The Republicans House members were fantastic yesterday. It always helps to have a much better case, in fact the Dems have no case at all, but the unity & sheer brilliance of these Republican warriors, all of them, was a beautiful sight to see. Dems had no answers and wanted out! Sarah says, The Stroking will continue as long as the Autocrat believes he needs their assistance. Once that time passes, they will be discarded, forgotten, shredded, and blacked out like old emails. The strije force looks out. The stroking continues. The soldiers spontaneously break out in No! You’re the Puppet chants. The sounds echo off the crags and envelop the cave hiding the strike force. – Friday, December 13, 2019