CSI: American Carnage (Monday, November 12, 2018)
Washington. Donald settles into the lounger and punches in the number for the Lauderdale Red Phone. Someone answers. Yeah? she says. Donald says, Who is this? She says, Who is this? Donald says, This is the president. She says, Right. Donald says, Is Marco there? She says, Marco who? The president says, You are a stupid person. Get the little fuck on the phone or I’ll break your ass. She says, Don’t talk to me that way, you asshole. She hangs up. Donald immediately switches to Marco’s cell. Marco answers, Yes, sir. Donald says, Get rid of your fucking secretary. She is terrible, a horrible person, no respect. People like that, no wonder we got problems down there. Marco says, We are handling it, we have got it covered, Rick has filed suit to stop the counting and certify. Why count when what you’re counting shouldn’t be counted? The apples and oranges thing. So there’s that. Democracy will prevail. Donald says, I’m gonna send in some troops. We can seal off the Election Center and prevent these terrible people, these liars and loosers from stealing anything more. Marco says, I don’t think troops are necessary yet. We have some time here. We are winning the media over. Donald says, I don’t hear from you by 11, we are going to activate. Donald hangs up. He dials Rick. Rick answers. He says, Scott here. Donald says, We’re gonna send in the troops to seize the ballots. Rick says, The courts may order it. The courts may demand that the votes be protected from those who are seeking to steal it all, Nelson and the other one, who do not care about the will of the people. Donald says, No, they don’t. Rick says, A lot of them did not have federal voter cards, a lot. A lot of them did not have their Florida-issued identification. A lot didn’t have their birth certificates, their social security cards, their passports, not even their Costco cards – these people are getting a free ride from democracy and they’re stealing it, they just muscle their way in. Donald says, MS13? Rick says, Can’t rule that out. Donald says, Caravan? Rick says, I’ll get back to you on that. We may have some advance scouts. We’ve got the video of the Dem election workers moving boxes from the Enterprise Rent-A-Truck to the Black SUV. We’ve got the video of the Dem election workers looking around and then dumping all these boxes into the fire pit and burning them. Lots of ash. We’ve got the forensic archaeologists who’ve uncovered voters smothered up by Dem waste haulers in 2000. They are a pathetic sight to behold and strangely moving. Donald says, They’re moving? I thought you said they were fossils? Rick says, Moving, like they emit emotions and it triggers something in you that makes you move, you know. Donald is silent. He says, We’re sending in the troops. This has gone on long enough. The American people don’t want to wait around for all these goddamn votes to be looked at and counted. The American people don’t want to be moved. It’s all a scam. Rick says, You vote, you go home, you watch it on teevee. That’s the way democracy works. Donald says, This is like a fucking baseball game. Terrible ratings. Really poor performance. We got to cut it off now. The American people don’t want to watch a loser baseball game. Rick says, I’ve got the cops. The cops will count the balls and strikes. That’s what they’re there for. They’ll call the game and they’ll call it fast. We’re talking talking CSI here, not a Marlins game.
— Monday, Nov. 12, 2018