CSI: American Carnage (Wednesday, October 16, 2019)
WASHINGTON – Under the bed! Donald shouts. Stephen gets down on his knees, finds the box of Cheez-Its, and makes his way back to Donald. Donald says, You need to eat watching a fake debate because these sonsuvbitches drone on and on and you gotta keep dancing so when you come around for the knock out they go down like tons of bricks, all over the place. On the teevee, Anderson says, Last week, Ellen DeGeneres was criticized after she and former President George W. Bush were seen laughing together at a football game. Ellen defended their friendship, saying, We’re all different and I think that we’ve forgotten that that’s OK, that we’re all different. In that spirit, we’d like you to tell us about a friendship that you’ve had that would surprise us, and what impact it’s had on you and your beliefs. Donald laughs. Har har har. What a joke. Two loosers have an impact? They’re gonna have an impact on a bunch of other loosers? Har har har. Why didn’t they ask about somebody important? Kanye has been a friend of mine for a long time. You know what he said to me? Stephen says, Yes. Donald says, I stopped the war. One of the biggest problems. That’s what Kanye said. He told me about a friend of his, doing time, hard time, not in Aspen with Ellen, who does not even know what hard time is — she’s so busy with her impact. This guy, a tough guy, started doing positive for the community. He started showing that he actually had power, that he wasn’t just one of a monolithic voice, but he could wrap people around. That’s what Kanye said about his friend. Can you believe this guy? He says to me, Sir, There’s theories that there’s infinite amounts of universe and there’s alternate universe. So it’s very important for me to get Hoover out, because in an alternate universe, I am him. And I have to go and get him free because he was doing positive inside of Chicago, just like how I’m moving back to Chicago and it’s not just about, you know, getting on stage and being an entertainer and having a monolithic voice that’s forced to be a specific party. Donald turns back to the teevee. He says, Who are these people? Where did they come from? Cooper dyes his hair, a lot of people don’t know that. And this guy Lacey, who nobody ever heard of, wears a toupee. Look at that! You can see the glue on his forehead. What a joke. And believe me they don’t know Ellen, who is just a pantyhost. They don’t know Kanye who is the biggest of the big, as an entertainer, much bigger than Ellen, who can claim she’s bigger than who? Janice Dickinson? Janice is a beautiful woman, she’s America’s top model, which you may know. Bigger than Ellen, but not bigger than Kanye. Maybe she should run against me. I’d give her a shot. — Wednesday, October 16, 2019