CSI: American Carnage (Friday, March 29, 2019)
CALEXICO, Calif. — Little Timmy, pup reporter, whose strike force has at last been reunited with the Professor, looks down the dusty shaft that heads to the backchannel and tunnel system beneath the streets. The Professor says, Go down quickly! The sooner we reach the backchannels, the sooner we will be able to determine what’s going on. Timmy slides through the opening and lands in a tunnel. The rest of the strike force follows. The Professor says, We must find the nexus of border-policy making. Sarah says, With all due respect, you must be joking. The autocrat makes up his policy as he goes along. Whatever fits the moment and leads to enrichment is key. He establishes a threat and then proceeds to animate his base. They rise up at his command, and emerge from underground, like locusts awakened with a powerful hunger. He points them to the threat, or perhaps their sense of smell has been so heightened by the long inactivity of the parietal lobe that they “feel” the threat, and move to extinguish it. More research is needed. The Professor says, Yes, yes. An interesting theory. Perhaps there are trigger words that conjure up the specter of threat. Sarah says, The autocrat has direct access to the amygdala. He identifies the threat, it triggers fearful anxiety, they are roused and proceed to the threat via signals to the parietal lobe. It is a simple threat-activation and elimination system. Meanwhile the autocrat lines his pockets. It is a corruption of NIH research. Timmy, listening to Sarah, cocks his head. He says, What’s that sound? A faint rustle can be heard coming from a tunnel heading north. Boris, who has been quiet for some time, says, Eet sound like rustling leaf. The Professor says, No. Those are human voices. Many of them. They seem to be chanting in concert. What are they saying? He listens intently. Sarah says, They are chanting. They are chanting, AOC Sucks! AOC Sucks! AOC Sucks! The autocrat must be holding another rally somewhere. He is seeking to animate his base with direct injections into the amygdala. The fear quotient will be rising and the base will be aroused and hungry and looking for food! The Professor says, Let’s go. We have a mission here and we should not be deterred by the ill-informed dead. — Friday, March 29, 2019