CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, March 24, 2019)
CALEXICO, Calif. — The Professor and Boris are in the custody of black-uniformed special operatives at a diner along the southern border. About a dozen men wearing gas masks and carrying M16s guard the captives while the leader begins interrogation. He walks back and forth in front of the prisoners. Who are you? he demands. The Professor says, I am the Professor. I am from Winesburg, Ohio. The leader says to Boris, And you? Boris says, I am Boris. I bring greetings from President Poohteen. The leader says, I have a problem with that. Pete, take this guy outside and show him how we deal with problems. We don’t like inconsistent information. We don’t like problems. The Professor says, What inconsistent information? We have said the same thing repeatedly. The leader says, Really? The Professor says, Of course. No Collusion. No Russia Thing. Witch Hunt. Fake News™. The leader says, Pete, take this guy here, too. Show him the Problem Room out back, the one where we took the girls. Pete says, Okay. Pete and his prisoners leave the diner and walk around the side just as a squadron of helicopters swoops low over Imperial Avenue spraying bleach. Pete stops and looks up. He says, They aren’t supposed to decontaminate this far in-country. The helicopters take dead aim at the diner. Pete is confused. The Professor and Boris seize the moment and run to the back. They see a tin-roofed shack and yank open the door. Boris says, Wait. We must free the girls back here. He looks around, sees an earthen pit, and hears the cries of the children. Boris quickly removes the metal sheeting covering the entrance and throws down a rope ladder conveniently left at the top. He shouts, Catch this leetle ones. Free yourselves! He then returns to the tin-roofed shack and the Professor. Meanwhile, at the Las Chabelas bar, the band has completed setting up and disappeared out back. The Times guy says to the Post guy, What were all those helicopters and why does it smell so much like bleach? Bartender, you know? The bartender says, Decontamination operation, señor. The federales come through once a month to clean things up. The Post guy says, That’s odd. I think we ought to check it out. The reporters leave and see a squad of helicopters thwacking over a diner. At that moment, Little Timmy, pup reporter, and Sarah are making their way along Imperial Avenue in search of the Professor and Boris. Timmy says, Look at that! He points to a bank of black helicopters releasing liquid spray above a diner. Sarah says, It appears to be some kind of decontamination op. The autocrat, even in hiding, is cunning and ruthless. And his forces will do his bidding no matter what it is. They seek to remove the evidence. And remember this, always: At the end of the game, even supposed opposition elites rally around autocrats no matter what they do. That is the first rule of corruption.
— Sunday, March 24, 2019